"If I say something that helps, good. If what I say is of no help, let it go. Don’t start arguments. They are futile and take away from our purpose. As Yeats noted, your important arguments are with yourself. If you don’t agree with me, don’t listen. Think about something else."
-- Richard Hugo, The Triggering Town.
... quoted by The Unreliable Narrator, whose post on what she calls the spectrum is more lucid than what I would say now, having foolishly brought up the whole asshole situation. To rectify, so to speak, my having done so, let me direct you as well to Joshua Corey on Hugo.